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In Half 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I will’t handle my pain.
2. I’m unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my supply of love.
4. I can have management over how others feel about me and treat me.

Half 2 was regarding the primary of those beliefs – learning the way to handle pain. This text addresses the second and third beliefs – “I am unworthy and unlovable” and “Others are my supply of love.”

As little youngsters, most people determined that it absolutely was our fault after we didn’t get the love we needed. We have a tendency to set that there must be one thing primarily and intrinsically wrong with us that caused our oldsters or alternative caregivers to not love us or to abuse us. Since we were too tiny to convey ourselves the love and a focus we required, we were naturally dependent upon others for our survival. Deciding it absolutely was our fault that we tend to were not being loved gave us the feeling of management: we tend to may change ourselves and become the “right” method in order to get the love we tend to needed. We place aside our wonderful essence and developed our ego/wounded self to attempt to possess management over obtaining love and avoiding pain. We tend to went regarding making an attempt to urge the love we have a tendency to required from others.

The matter is we have a tendency to became keen about making an attempt to induce love from others and never learned that we can, as adults, access love directly from our Source.

Are you operating from the false belief that you’ll be able to’t try this for yourself – that you can’t access the love you would like directly from your Supply? Do you suspect that you are somehow defective and that the Supply of affection that’s God can not come back to fill you with love, peace and joy? Do you suspect that you simply were born flawed and are therefore undeserving of receiving love from your Supply? If you’re operating from any of these false beliefs, then it is probably that you are still looking outside yourself for a dependable supply of love.

If you may see love, you would see that we have a tendency to live in a universe of affection – that it’s all around you in addition to within you. Your feeling self – your inner child – wants that love to survive and thrive. It is everywhere, yet your Kid might be starving for love.

Once you don’t apprehend how to access the love that’s perpetually obtainable to you, and you believe that it won’t be there for you anyway as a result of you don’t deserve it, it is seemingly that you will turn to outside sources. You might use food as an alternative to love, or alcohol or drugs. You would possibly use things – toys, garments, objects – as substitutes for love. Or, you might assume that another person wants to be your dependable supply of love – that you wish sex or attention or approval to fill the empty place among that desires love. You might sense that love exists within that other person, and you would possibly believe that she has more ability to access love and bring it to you than you have. Several of the people I work with tell me that they can not love themselves in addition to somebody else will, so they keep making an attempt to get somebody else to take responsibility for his or her feelings and needs. They keep attempting handy over their inner kid to someone else, so making inner abandonment.

The inner abandonment that comes from using substances, things, activities or people as your source of affection is the real supply of your pain. So long as you’re creating something or somebody outside yourself your dependable source of love, you’ll be making – through your self-abandonment – the terribly pain you’re attempting therefore arduous to avoid.

As children, our folks were imagined to bring us love from our Source. As adults, we have a tendency to are presupposed to be doing this for ourselves. But when our parents didn’t show us how to try to to it for ourselves as a result of they were not doing it for themselves or for us, we tend to never learned how access our true Supply of love. Without this access, you will remain stuck in your addictions, attempting to fill the inner emptiness that can only be stuffed with love from your Source.

In the following section of this series, I can explore the ways you would possibly be making an attempt to get others to fill you – coming from the false belief, “I can have control over how others feel concerning me and treat me,” and in the ultimate section, I will show you how to access love from your Source.

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It is among us to explore and draw upon our inner resources to heal. Some wounds are embedded therefore deeply that no quantity of professional experience can cure, much less heal.

A famous Yale surgeon says that as a surgeon, he cuts into the body, but he can not order the wound to heal. Ultimately, it through our efforts that healing will occur.

The trail to healing is a personal choice. It’s a path where you decide on to piece along the fragments and create it” whole” again. It paves the method to self-discovery, to open the door to your inner self and expertise inner harmony. And ultimately, come back to fulfill the child within that has longed for your love, care and attention. The kid among that’s forgotten, pushed to the background, lurks in the shadows, but waits patiently.

What wants healing?

Childhood trauma:
The imprint of childhood experience could be a powerful force. An expectant mother who lives through a stressful situation during pregnancy shares the burden with the unborn child.
Years ago, domestic matters were never discussed openly, particularly issues regarding abuse, violence, neglect, abandonment and different related matters. Today, society is more responsive to the potential or actual existence of abuse and violence in the home. Tragic that the innermost and safest sanctuary society depends upon can be the most dangerous.

These are problems that take its toll on the young victims. They become old with wounds, carry them around sort of a serious load on their shoulders. Some never get over their trauma, it turns up at the foremost surprising moment to haunt them; yet, there are those who are lucky enough to confront it and use it to propel themselves to a healthier and successful relationships and life itself.

When love could be a venom:
How many hearts have known pain all in the name of love. It invades lives from all walks of life, social status, boost that race or creed. Nobody needs to suffer pain, however it does happen. Healing a broken heart, selecting up the pieces of broken hopes and dreams, suffer the betrayal, endure shattered self-image, re-live the haunting nightmares, the violation of one’s innermost being, soul and spirit.

The most traumatic of all is the violation that comes from those who are supposed to produce a nurturing atmosphere to people who are entrusted to their care. All within the guise of love.

Grief
The loss of a loved one will be most devastating. Generally one did not have a chance to bid their last farewell. It had been all too sudden. Or one passes away once a lingering illness, with the relief that the suffering is over comes the grief of the loss. At one purpose and time in one’s life, grief could be a reality.

Guilt
Wrong turns, wrong choices, wrong decisions. We all take wrong turns, build wrong decisions and choices. This is often a personality’s trait that not even the saintliest of the saints has not experienced. We stumble, we tend to fall, but several people manage to induce up and acquire on with life. The losses incurred every now and then are life-threatening,
or at the price of financial comfort and security or worst, relationships are threatened, lost or innocently or unconsciously sacrificed.

Carrying guilt on your face, in your heart, in your being invites negative vibrations and digs you deeper into the mire. Take a peek at those unhappy eyes, the window of the soul, and you’ll know. However, this is not a dead-end!

Unfulfilled dreams and hopes
Live your dream,ride on the wings of hope; this can not continually work out. Someday you get up and understand your dream never materialized and languish over the numerous years you spent attempting to pursue that dream! Within the meantime, time, opportunities and life passed you by. Hope will cause disappointment- understand this. When all hopes are dashed, what have you bought?

Path to healing:
Healing could be a complex matter.
Who has never felt the pains of suffering, be it physical, mental, emotional, material and spiritual. Even our expensive Mother Earth is in desperate need of healing from the abuse inflicted upon her through man’s recklessness, negligence and lack of respect.

There are avenues open to healing. One could opt for to pay time with a professional, obtain comfort from connected teams, however continually, healing has to begin with one.

It is important to acknowledge the pain, to recognize the cause, to be able to integrate the fragmented items and be willing to require it to a higher step to be “whole”again.

Healing extends beyond the physical state- when one hurts deeply, the spirit; the soul also bears the pain. It’s a pain that comes in hauntingly within the dark of the night, it fills a once loving heart with venom, it may ravage a once healthy mind and body beneath a once lovely and sleek soul is that the mask of vengeance.

Blocks to healing:

However, generally, the path to healing is filled with potholes. Indeed, the trail is covered with blocks, where healing can not be accomplished, it almost out of reach. Impediments on the trail:denial, apathy, self-absorption and self-indulgence, addiction, putting up walls and barriers, busy-bee syndrome, compartmentalizing, isolation, withdrawal from society, cynicism, loss of religion, trust and compassion, self-pity, poor –me syndrome, anger, fear of obtaining hurt again, martyr complex, neurosis or psychosis, aggressive/ oppressive, confrontational, guilt advanced,
resignation

Disclaimer:
Typically, we tend to hurt those we have a tendency to love most deeply; likewise, we tend to bear the pain they cause. This can be a personal essay, it does not in any method deny the importance of seeking skilled help when indicated. But, it’s acknowledged that one should wish to heal, should perceive what wants healing, must be willing to just accept the need to heal – all the knowledgeable advise and skilled facilitate can not be effective otherwise.

END

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(This is often Part a pair of of a 5-part series on addiction).

In Half one of this series of articles, I outlined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I will have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

This text addresses the first of those beliefs, and goes into the method of learning to manage your pain. Learning to manage pain is essential if you are going to maneuver out of addictive behavior, since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the belief that you cannot handle your pain.

Small children have few skills in managing pain. Parents are speculated to be there to help them with painful situations. Loving oldsters facilitate kids with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in numerous ways in which, such “kissing it and making it higher” when there’s a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for tough situations. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the kid move through the pain and move on.

However, several adults had folks who, not only didn’t help them with their pain, but were the reason for the pain. When parents abandon kids with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, children are on their own concerning handling their pain. They’re not receiving help and they need no role model for managing pain. When this is often the case, addictions become the approach to manage pain. Children learn early to eat, drink or take drugs to manage their pain. They learn early to numb out or act out with harmful or self-harmful behavior to avoid their pain. They may even learn to block out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, like cutting themselves.

So as to move beyond destructive and self-harmful behavior, you need to be in a very process of developing a loving inner parent – a loving adult self – capable of giving your hurting inner child what she never received as you were growing up. The loving Adult is who we are when we are connected with a robust spiritual supply of love, strength and wisdom.

Your inner child is your feeling self. When you are experiencing the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and also the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means that that you are that child, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. As an alone and terrified kid, you’ll reach for no matter addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain.

The explanation the 12-Step programs have worked thus well is as a result of they assist people to open to a spiritual supply of strength. While not this supply of strength, there’s no way to manage the pain while not the addictions.

We teach a Six-Step process, known as Inner Bonding, which works very well together with the twelve-Steps to assist people in recovery from addictions. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course). The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a religious Supply of affection and compassion. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting child all the love and compassion you didn’t receive as a child.

Love and compassion aren’t feelings that are generated from inside the body. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. God is love, compassion, peace, truth and joy. Once you open to learning about what’s loving to yourself, with a personal source of religious Steering, you will begin to be able to bring through the love and compassion that you just need.

Love and compassion is what you wish when you are hurting. Substance and process addictions do not fill the place inside that wants love and compassion. Addictions just block out the pain of the inner abandonment you’re feeling when you’re not giving yourself the love and compassion you need. The required love and compassion isn’t going to return from another person. Regardless of how much you would like that somebody could provide to you what you didn’t get as a child, it is not visiting happen. You would like to be told how to present it to yourself. When you are doing, you will be well on your means to recovery from your addictions.

Learning a way to heal core shame and give yourself the love and compassion you wish to recover from your addictions is the main target of the remaining articles during this series.

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Amazingly, there are still a variety of folks who are unaware that they’re already wired and need relief from it when possible. Or rather, there are some who refuse to acknowledge that they badly want relief from stress.

If you’re unsure concerning this furthermore, let us give you some examples of symptoms that are commonly associated with stress:

Workaholics who build overtime work seem like a regular part of the duty are typically bothered with insomnia and muscle aches as a result of they’ve upset their biological clock and they need no time at all for badly needed exercise. If this describes you, then yes, you’re already experiencing stress and you need relief from it right away.

Workaholics who have high paying however demanding and high pressure jobs continuously have to be on the go and prepared for any eventuality. Hence, they have an inclination to have increased appetite or loss of because of lack of time for eating; an increased intake of sugar and caffeine to ensure that they’ll do the work of ten people; high cholesterol levels as a result of they don’t have the time to ensure that they have a healthy diet and after all, feelings of anxiety once they’re worrying about the result of employment or project.

Does that describe you? If so, then yes, you are doing would like stress relief right away.

Other typical symptoms of stress are impotence (unfortunately for the males), migraines and headaches, depression and a weakened immune system.

Currently let’s simply say that you’ve discovered you are doing need relief from stress. What ought to you are doing next then?

Follow our two-step-guide therefore that you’ll gain relief from stress – dubbed because the #one Health Problem of America — though obesity might share that notorious title furthermore – in no time at all.

1st, you wish to counterpoint, enhance and improve some time management skills. If Stephen Covey says it’s a should then who are we to argue? But seriously, with higher time management, you’ll be ready to allow the right quantity of attention on yourself, on the sort of food you eat and on the time you permit yourself to relax. Not only will it offer you stress relief, it will conjointly take you out of the candidate list for heart attack, high blood pressure and diabetes, among alternative scary diseases.

Second and lastly, take proper medication. Herbal drugs is one thing value considering as a result of it contains all natural ingredients thus decreasing the risk of experiencing any ill aspect effects. However forever consult your doctor 1st before taking any medication!

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This is an amazing tip from Bit For Health to help you when you are stressed, angry, anxious or upset. Strive holding your frontal eminences. These are bumps on your forehead that many people hold instinctively after they’re upset.

For those of you who don’t do this naturally, let me facilitate you find them. Feel up from the center of your eyebrows going towards your hairline. Your forehead comes outwards before it curves back in towards the hairline. Hold your forehead at the points where it is furthest out – regarding 3cms (1.25 inches) above the center of each eyebrow.

While you hold these points assume about the stressful event. It can be something that has already happened, one thing that is concerning to happen, or something you worry could never happen! Gradually you ought to find that the strain lessens.

You can use it for small things, however you’ll conjointly use it for additional traumatic events too. If the thoughts/pictures are too overwhelming initially, imagine you are watching it on a TV – you’ll perpetually switch it off if becomes too stressful – you are the one in charge. You’ll be able to watch it in black and white if that feels easier too. Use it to defuse anything that you’re feeling anxious, stressed, angry or fearful about.

You may need to try and do it many times covering different aspects of the problem. You’ll do them one once the other, or at totally different times, whichever feels best for you.

As you hold the points and think about/imagine the event, you will in all probability begin to feel calmer – you’ll even realize that you start to feel a very little bored pondering this state of affairs that previously stressed or angered you thus much.

Why does it work?

These explicit points on the forehead, known as frontal eminences, are reflex points with connections to the central meridian (concerned with the brain), the abdomen meridian (and your stomach typically churns when you’re anxious or angry), and therefore the bladder meridian (trips to the toilet/lavatory are usually necessary once we’re apprehensive).

I recently explained this self-help technique to a business colleague – a keen mountain biker who’d had a heavy bike accident at thirty miles an hour and had broken his skull and collar bone. His bones had mended, however he was currently typically fearful of the game he loved.

This is often what he wrote to me later:

“I don’t recognize a way to thank you adequate for the technique you described to me over the phone the other day, it helped me enormously!”

The subsequent week he sent me this message:

“Your tip worked once once more last night – went out (in the pitch black with my Lightweight&Motion ‘daylighter’ lightweight) and did some serious single-tracking and downhilling!!! I never thought I would be doing that again – ever! Thank you so abundant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It absolutely was sensible!!!!!!!”

It might be exhausting to believe that one thing this easy may be effective in removing anxiety and stress, however strive it and see.

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Not enough time, boss pushing for work to be completed, children are annoying you, bills to pay, looking to be done, housework to try and do, partner soliciting for your help…

Does this appear sort of a familiar scenario in your life? Stress is often with us controlling what we have a tendency to do and the way we tend to feel. If you’re stressed you are doing things faster and in an unhappier way. You either become aggressive towards other folks as a type of releasing the strain otherwise you become submissive by hiding the stress.

By being submissive and hiding your stress, it internally eats at you hurting your emotions and your relationships. By being aggressive towards another person, you briefly feel relief, but then reality kicks in as you are feeling additional stressed from hurting the other person.

You need to be told ways in which to manage your stress and not let it get the higher of you and the people around you. Stress motivates us to take action however it too usually works against us. I’ve return up with the most effective ways and techniques to manage stress:

1) Leave others alone – If the opposite person is not involved, leave them alone. It is thus tempting to unleash your stress on other people. Do not treat individuals inappropriately. By treating them the manner they are doing not want to be treated, you build up their stress which they can be happy to place back on you. If somebody is causing stress, you wish to deal with the person explaining to them how you are feeling, why you feel that manner, and what will be done to unravel the problem.

two) Responsiblity – When you are taking responsibility, you reside in truth. You do not become a victim of others. You begin to manage and create your feelings. You stop blaming others for what has happened to you and you become proactive controlling thoughts, feelings, and stresses. By accepting responsibility as way of managing stress, you begin self-control.

three) Stop worrying – worrying is extraordinarily dangerous for your health. By worrying you increase the probabilities of getting a heart-attack and you become miserable that damages your relationships. Worrying is about anticipating what is to come and doing nothing concerning it. If you probably did do one thing till the long run, you would then be planning and not worrying. You try to think what will happen within the near future, however nothing more then unnecessary thoughts occur. “What if…” “What can happen…” . STOP LIVING IN THE FUTURE and assume concerning what you can fully management now. That is, suppose regarding today!

four) Self-control – You’re in complete control of your emotions. Its learning to manage your mind that you simply correctly manage your stress. This can be where your self discipline kicks in. Other folks do not have access to your mind unless you give them the authorisation. You’ve got complete control of your emotions and actions. However, you’re ability to be in management of your emotions and actions relies on your desire, discipline, and talent set.

five) Self understanding – You would like to manage yourself and control your emotions. You need to bear in mind if you are treating an individual in an applicable means as a result of of the stress. You wish to understand that you are stressed, why you are stressed, and ways to manage the stress.

six) Don’t stay still – When feeling down, it is straightforward to throw within the towel and give up. Winston Churchill said “If you are hunting hell, keep going.” Don’t stop and give up. I encourage you to prevent, relax, and be good, however don’t lose the perserverance to keep going. If you’re browsing a unhealthy patch in life, by stopping there you stay in the unhealthy patch.

7) Escape – You may just want to travel away for a bit to refresh your mind. If you can afford a holiday, opt for it! For those who cannot try this, go for a walk or work-out. By being active you unleash hormones that counteract stress. Additionally, by being aloof from the strain it clears your mind by taking it away from the problem.

Stress isn’t meant to make us miserable. We are given the flexibility to supply stress to finish tasks otherwise we have a tendency to would be sitting on our lazy backsides. Learn these ways in which to manage your stress, and you may have stress operating for you and not you for it.

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So what is working at home, and coping with stress, really all about? The following reports includes some fascinating information about working at home, and stress –info you can use not just the old stuff they used to tell you.

Most of us have been stressed working at home at some point. Aside from the stress of having to find new clients and new jobs, we often encounter stress because jobs come in mad, occasional bursts. Some days our to do list is almost empty, and the following days it seems like we can hardly keep up.

Deadlines can be overwhelming, and when one is affected, effectiveness plunges. The brain is no longer focused on creativity and action.

When stress level stack up, here what to do. First, reduce stress by… Stopping. Sounds a bit basic, and it’s really hard to do, just stop. Stress can cause health problems or make problems worse if you don’t learn ways to deal with it.

The next step is to find a way to deal with your stress. A simple way is to avoid the circumstance that leads to our stress–but often this is not feasible. Another way is to change how we react to stress. This is often the best way.

Well, it’s time to take heart and set a few simple strategies in place that will keep us in control of our time…and our sanity.

Tips for dealing with working at home stress-

1) Eat a healthy, balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables. Reduce or eliminate caffeine (coffee, black and green tea, cola drinks, and chocolate). Because caffeine is a stimulant, it can make you feel more anxious.

2) Exercise. It relieves tension and provides a timeout from stressful situations.

3) Try to take time everyday to slow down and do something you enjoy, even if it is just for a few minutes. Reading a magazine, playing with your dog, listening to music, reading a book or any other activity that helps you forget the stresses of your day can calm you and help you remember what is important.

4) Work at being cheerful and optimistic. Use humor to lighten difficult situations.

5) Take very long, relaxing deep breaths anytime you notice you’re feeling stressed.

6) If the nature of any of your tasks allow it, call upon a colleague who can help you. If you’ve never done this before, now is the perfect time to start. The nice thing about this sort of arrangement is your colleague will most likely send jobs your way when he or she gets overloaded. (Warning: do not hand over tasks that must be carried out only by you as the principal of the business. Your reputation is important.)

7) Organizing and simplifying your life. If one of your main sources of stress is the sheer number of things that need to be done, getting organized should help you feel more at peace. A good sense of organization will also make you more efficient. Simplifying your life also should help you feel less overwhelmed.

Set Achievable Daily Goals. If you finish a task ahead of schedule, start the next… but stick to a definite cut-off time each day. What you are doing this week is set up a system that will continue to work for you.

Follow these tips and before you know it, your home business dream will be on track once again.

That’s how things stand right now. Keep in mind that any subject can change over time, so be sure you keep up with the latest news.

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Technorati Tags: Personal Development, Self Development, Self Esteem, Self Help, Self Improvement

Dementia is spreading like a disease. If you find yourself laughing about your memory loss and excusing it with your age…maybe the solution is truly golden…

Colloidal = a solid (in this case gold) of minute particles, that remain in suspension in a surrounding liquid (in this case de-ionized water).

Gold has always been the prize of desire, but now the elixir of choice? We know that this precious metal has been a primary building block of the body. Very little research is underway to find how such a crucial metal in our body is being lost and not constantly replenished.

Europeans have long used colloidal gold as a supplement in their diet to replenish this key element of the body. In using colloidal gold as a supplement, arthritis sufferers noticed reduced swelling and pain. In some cases pain was eliminated entirely. Extensive European studies and use showed that stress levels were controlled, and that depression and anxiety faded away while patients diets were supplemented with colloidal gold.

The overseas reports conclude that colloidal gold has a most positive effect on the nerve structure and brain. Gold being one of the best conductors of electricity, it isn’t at all surprising that the supplementing of gold to a body that is gold depleted, would improve the overall function of the nervous system including improved memory and quicker thought processes.

Memory loss comes with age and is joked about by the “50 and over” crowd. However memory loss is temporary and can be improved. Mental exercises, diet and supplements have shown that memory loss can be avoided or reversed and in most cases improved.

Dementia can be caused by several factors such as stroke, circulation, Alzheimer’s and more but the common thread is poor conductivity in the brain. Dementia and memory loss are treatable. Most sufferers don’t or cannot help themselves. If dementia is left untreated, memory loss worsens. As dementia escalates in an individual, their plight becomes the families’ everyday responsibility to care for an adult as if they were a very small child. Dementia affects the caretaker in ways greater than the patient.

Gold has long been known to promote healthier skin, reduce the healing time of burns and clear up skin ulcers. For many years the Europeans have used colloidal gold to combat alcohol addiction. Again memory loss due to alcohol abuse affects the brain and a gold supplement would be the obvious choice.

Colloidal trace minerals derived from plant material are the easiest absorbed of all minerals. Single colloidal minerals such as silver, gold, and platinum can be electrically reduced to a size that is readily assimilated into the blood stream.

This all natural ingredient of our body is not replenished by the foods we eat. Our alternative is to seek out colloidal gold and other trace minerals to keep the required levels for a healthy body.

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Technorati Tags: Personal Development, Self Development, Self Esteem, Self Help, Self Improvement

Do you believe in predictions? Well, if you were educated you would know that no man or woman could predict our future. However, we all have the ability to predict our future. Sounds contradictory does it. Behaviors help us to determine how our lives will turn out. Behaviors are the manner in which we conduct our self on a daily basis. Behaviors are organisms that react to stimulus producing action and response.

Behaviors are formed when we first arrive in the world and the more we practice a certain behavior the more attached that behavior comes. How does behavior cause us stress? It depends on the person and the teachings the person endured throughout his or her lifetime, but many of us lack in development in one way or another. Since, we have religion, law, parents, teachers, siblings, employees, employers, peers and so forth playing a part in our life we often become confused since all of us have our own beliefs.

The best teacher in the world is your self. If you take the time to study, learn, listen, hear, practice good, and so forth you will have the ability to see your future is successful. You have a stress management that is surpassing any other management scheme, since no one can lead you if you choose to reject. It is good to take other people’s beliefs into consideration, however, investigating and collecting evidence that proves a fact is more beneficial than accepting everything your are taught or told.

For example, I am a logician. I take extremely complex problems and break them down to simplicity. This means I analyze each problem carefully weeding through the pile and eliminating any areas that produce negative results. I also collect and gather evidence to support my claims when I am finished, and this is a healthy practiced behaviors, since I do not lie, steal, or do anything that will cause another person harm.

As you can see from my example, my problems were minimized, since my behaviors are positive and my stress level is not controlling my life. We can review behaviors and teachers to grasp hold of a better understanding how behaviors cause stress. For example, his or her parents teach a child that speaking out of term in inappropriate. The child is punished each time he or she disobeys the parent.

We see a series of problems developing, since this teaching will tell the child during his or her development that it is not ok to speak up when someone hurts, violates, or induces other types of fears on this person. The person will go through life with the fear of punishment if he or she asserts self. How can we help this poor wrongfully taught individual find a way to reduce stress and avoid stressors? First, our parents are important people in our life that we believe in most cases that will not lie to us and believe these people have our best interest at heart. Now we see another problem, since this person will trust the parents before listening to someone else that tells him or her that they are safe and it is ok to speak your mind.

We can teach this person to practice self-talk first since self-talk is an approach that helps us to rely on self, rather than others. Self-talk is a method that tells us that we have control and that we have a right to determine what we think, feel and believe. The method teaches us to take responsibility and learn communication that is effective, since our thinking habits are in the process of change. We can also help the person by offering him or her the tool known as visual display.

Visual display is helpful since it allows us to stroll back into the past and review our learning so that we can sort through the facts and eliminate the lies. It teaches us to display a pictorial event in our mind and then role-play to see if what we were taught is true.

Think of a time in your life that you spoke up and no one hurt you or punished you for your action. Think about how many times this happened and what the consequences of your behavior led to. Practice these techniques daily to learn a new method that benefits you and your life. If you do not see prediction by now in behaviors, then you probably never will.

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Technorati Tags: Personal Development, Self Development, Self Esteem, Self Help, Self Improvement

“When attack becomes dance, everything is seen as a gift of energy.”

That sounds great, doesn’t it?

Couldn’t we all use a little more energy from time to time? I know I could. Right now, for instance, as I sit with a blanket over my shoulders, sipping lemon tea and hoping that the next coughing spasm is not as ferocious as the last two, I could use a gift of energy. The tickle that started in my nose and chest a few days ago has blossomed into a full-blown, body-wracking cold, complete with chills and fever.

The martial art Aikido (The Way of Harmony) teaches us to see everything that comes our way as energy to be danced with. By centering and extending our ki (life energy) we connect and blend with the energy of attack, making it a part of us. We redirect it from center, keeping ourselves and our attacker safe from harm.

How this elegant metaphor applies to situations in our personal and professional lives is a continuing source of study and fascination for me. One of the ways I work at integrating Aiki principles into my life is by sharing the philosophy with others. My workshops use physical exercises which help our bodies remember how to do things like center, extend, acknowledge and blend. We begin to dance, flow and move with the energy of conflict instead of blocking it.

So I sit, wondering how I can dance with this attack. Even centering doesn’t stop the incessant coughing. I have no ki to extend (it seems to have retreated to the innermost recesses of my system). The only thing I can think to do is to acknowledge and embrace.

But that, at least, is a beginning. In years past, I would not acknowledge being sick. When I was sick, I’d often go to work anyway. I plowed through what needed doing with half a spirit and wore myself out. I probably infected half a dozen others in the process. I was sometimes ill-tempered, depressed and depressing to be around. If I can’t acknowledge what’s going on, whether it’s a cold or a problem at home, I surely can’t embrace it. By this I mean make it a part of me, connect with it so that I can begin to look for solutions.

Most of our conflicts, internal or external, would resolve themselves if we would only take this first step – acknowledge them! But because we see them as negative, we immediately resist by fighting or fleeing. If I can see what comes my way as energy, with no positive or negative charge other than what I give it, I can be more curious about it. As unwanted as it may be, there’s definitely more power in dancing with it than in resisting it.

As for my cold, I’m still trying to learn if there’s a gift here somewhere. Let’s see – I’ve already read a book I’ve been putting aside for months, started another, and gotten some much needed rest (in between coughs!). I may not always know what the energy offers, but when I can ask the question “Where’s the gift?” I’ve taken a step in a new direction.

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Technorati Tags: energy, Personal Development, Self Development, Self Help, Self Improvement