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(This is often Part a pair of of a 5-part series on addiction).

In Half one of this series of articles, I outlined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I will have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

This text addresses the first of those beliefs, and goes into the method of learning to manage your pain. Learning to manage pain is essential if you are going to maneuver out of addictive behavior, since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the belief that you cannot handle your pain.

Small children have few skills in managing pain. Parents are speculated to be there to help them with painful situations. Loving oldsters facilitate kids with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in numerous ways in which, such “kissing it and making it higher” when there’s a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for tough situations. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the kid move through the pain and move on.

However, several adults had folks who, not only didn’t help them with their pain, but were the reason for the pain. When parents abandon kids with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, children are on their own concerning handling their pain. They’re not receiving help and they need no role model for managing pain. When this is often the case, addictions become the approach to manage pain. Children learn early to eat, drink or take drugs to manage their pain. They learn early to numb out or act out with harmful or self-harmful behavior to avoid their pain. They may even learn to block out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, like cutting themselves.

So as to move beyond destructive and self-harmful behavior, you need to be in a very process of developing a loving inner parent – a loving adult self – capable of giving your hurting inner child what she never received as you were growing up. The loving Adult is who we are when we are connected with a robust spiritual supply of love, strength and wisdom.

Your inner child is your feeling self. When you are experiencing the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and also the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means that that you are that child, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. As an alone and terrified kid, you’ll reach for no matter addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain.

The explanation the 12-Step programs have worked thus well is as a result of they assist people to open to a spiritual supply of strength. While not this supply of strength, there’s no way to manage the pain while not the addictions.

We teach a Six-Step process, known as Inner Bonding, which works very well together with the twelve-Steps to assist people in recovery from addictions. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course). The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a religious Supply of affection and compassion. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting child all the love and compassion you didn’t receive as a child.

Love and compassion aren’t feelings that are generated from inside the body. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. God is love, compassion, peace, truth and joy. Once you open to learning about what’s loving to yourself, with a personal source of religious Steering, you will begin to be able to bring through the love and compassion that you just need.

Love and compassion is what you wish when you are hurting. Substance and process addictions do not fill the place inside that wants love and compassion. Addictions just block out the pain of the inner abandonment you’re feeling when you’re not giving yourself the love and compassion you need. The required love and compassion isn’t going to return from another person. Regardless of how much you would like that somebody could provide to you what you didn’t get as a child, it is not visiting happen. You would like to be told how to present it to yourself. When you are doing, you will be well on your means to recovery from your addictions.

Learning a way to heal core shame and give yourself the love and compassion you wish to recover from your addictions is the main target of the remaining articles during this series.

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Living in today’s metropolitan world of cellular phones, mobile computers and other high-tech gadgets is not just hectic but very impersonal. We make money and then invest our time and effort in making more money. Does it end? Not usually because we are never satisfied. How many times have we convinced ourselves that if only we had some more money, life would be so sweet? But then, after receiving a substantial raise, we realize that it wasn’t enough and that we need more?

What Should You Do?
I have read many books on life such as Robin Sharma’s Monk says this and the monk says that, and they all seem to say that money is not necessary. But it is. Can you do without cash and a lot of it? I know I can’t.

So, I went to the neighbourhood Rabbi and asked for advice that will help me find my true way in life.

The rabbi nodded and took me to the window. “What do you see?” he asked me.

Promptly, I answered, “I can see people walking to and fro and a blind man is begging for alms at the left corner.”

The Rabbi nodded and guided me to a big mirror. “Now look and tell me what you see?”

“I can see myself,” I man answered.

The Rabbi smiled. “Now you can’t see anyone else. The mirror and the window are both created from the same raw material: glass, but because on one of them they have applied a thin layer of silver, when you look at it all you can see is your own reflection.”

The Rabbi placed his arm on my shoulders. “Compare yourself to those two pieces of glass. Without the silver layer, you saw the other people and felt compassion for them. When you are covered with silver, you see only yourself.”

I looked at the Rabbi and stared. “I don’t understand.”

The Rabbi continued. “You will become someone only if have the courage to remove the silver covering over your eyes in order to again see and love others.” He patted me on my back and sent me on my way.

I have thought of what he said and come to the conclusion that he had a point. Yes. We need money and we should not aim to lead a moneyless existence; its pointless and will only cause us and our families many heartbreaks in the future.

Instead, I suggest that we should follow the advice the Rabbi gave me. When we approach life through a silver covering, all we are able to see is ourselves. But discard that covering, and you will be able to see and feel everyone else.

Conclusion:
In life, we are allowed to and should be able to look at both kinds of mirrors, but we should remember that a mirror reflects only us; a window is the door to compassion, health and true wealth. In other words, seek wealth by all means, but don’t let it dissuade you from life, people, children and the poor and needy.

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Every day is the same day. Days differ only in few ways- weather conditions, sunrise and sunset time. Otherwise all the days are same. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. This has been going on since billions of years and will continue, till the cosmos collapses. Then why do we treat a day different than other? The difference is not in the day, but in our moods, wishes, outlook, frustration, meetings and non meeting achievements, failures etc. If what makes us feel good occurs on a day, we call it a great day. Otherwise, it can be called as a boring day, or a useless day or whatever.

So, why do we love our birthday? Why do we celebrate it? Why do we feel good about it? I mean most of us. For some people including myself, a birthday may be no different than any other day. So let us talk of people who celebrate their birthday. They do it because they were born on that day. Am I correct? But is their birth a cause of celebration? What have they achieved to celebrate? Billions of people inhabit the earth, so what is so great about a single person?

Coming back to the subject,these are philosophical enquiries that make us understand ourselves, and our relationship with the world better. I would say that if you are a loving person, you are a great person. No matter whether you are neither rich nor famous. I would say that if you can help a person forget his/her pain for sometime, you are a great person. I would say, if you give some money without hesitation for a cause, you are a good person. If you cheer up someone, you are a good person. If you can help the planet better even with a smallest act, you are a great person, and your birthday should be celebrated.

Our birthdays should make us think more of ourselves, our actions, our values, our integrity, our gentleness, our compassion, our goals, our desires, our helping hand, our willingness to wipe away tears and every other act or thought that can make us a better person. We must celebrate our birthday if we wish, but along with day, we must add one more positive quality to ourselves. That will give us greater happiness than any other celebration. One feels worthy and good, only if one is really so. We can fool people in to believing that we are good, but we cannot fool ourselves. For getting happiness in our heart, we must ourselves feel that we are good. Let us decide to add one good quality to us on our birthday and let us celebrate it. Better, let us decide to do one good act everyday. No happiness will match that happiness, because happiness cannot be bought or borrowed. We feel happy and good about ourselves, only if we have self-esteem that comes only from doing good acts.

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Ruth consulted with me because she was confused about what to do regarding her mother, her brother, and her son.

From the time Ruth was born, she never felt like she belonged in her family. Her mother ignored Ruth, obviously preferring her brother, and consistently allowed her brother to beat Ruth up. Ruth had some connection with her father, but he was a weak man and never stood up for her or protected her.

Ruth was a loving child and tried in any way she could to please her mother and brother, to no avail. She could never understand why her family didn’t like her.

As an adult, she married an emotionally unavailable man, a man very much like her mother. As with her mother and brother, she tried in many ways to get his love and never succeeded. Her son, Dylan, was eight years old when they divorced.

Dylan always seemed to prefer his father, and finally went to live with his father when he was sixteen. Once again, Ruth was completely in the dark regarding why her son didn’t like her. She had been such a devoted mother, so why was he rejecting her?

Ruth finally married again, this time to a loving man, and had another child. Her current family was totally different from her previous family and from her family of origin. However, she still hoped to have a relationship with her mother. She would send her mother birthday and Christmas cards, but rarely heard from her. The final blow that sent her to seek my help came when she found out that her son had gotten married without telling her, and that her brother had moved her mother into a nursing home and sold everything without telling her.

Ruth was a shining light of love. Her eyes, her smile, her gestures all radiated love and compassion. Her deeply gentle and peaceful nature was evident at first glance.

“Why? Why don’t they like me?” she asked.

“Because you are a giver and they are takers,” I told her. ‘Givers care about others, while takers just want to take from others. You can never give enough to a taker to receive any caring back, because they don’t like themselves. They reject themselves and try to get others to give to them. Because they have emotionally abandoned themselves, they are angry at others for not giving enough to them. Your mother and brother were united in their taking from you, as were your first husband and son. They look at you and see a fountain of love coming from you and they want it, but they are incapable of receiving it. Your light contrasts with their darkness and they hate you for it.”

“But what can I do?”

“Nothing, other than not be around them. They will suck the life out of you if you allow them to spend time with you. I know you care about them, but they are incapable of caring about themselves or you, so you have to let them go. It is not in your highest good to be with people who are incapable of valuing you – who just want to take from you.”

“But can’t I help them?”

“No, because they are not asking for help. I know you have believed that if you just love them enough, they will heal and love you back, but this will never happen because they are not open to your love. They feel inadequate in the face of your open heart and their closed hearts, and they take their self-judgment out on you. There is nothing you can to do to help them open their hearts. Only they can do that. It is unlikely your mother or brother will ever open their hearts, but perhaps your son will in time. He will come to you if he does.”

“But I have such a great life now. Isn’t it selfish of me to just let them go?”

“No, it is self-responsible. It is not loving to yourself to be around people who treat you badly.”

Ruth understood. She felt sad, but relieved. She finally saw that all she could do was pray for them to open their hearts.

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There is a concept in coaching called seed planting. It means that it takes time for new ideas and suggestions to be embraced. There are clients that take hold of a new idea and run with it, some take a little more time to allow the idea to grow while others can take years before the idea sprouts. Still some clients will never grasp the idea. It will simply lay dormant. It doesn’t really matter what the client does with the idea. The purpose is to plant the seed and the client can do with it what they will. Sometimes the idea just needs time to germinate.

A counselor once told me that not to make a decision is a decision. She said not to choose was a choice. I thought she was nuts and went on with my life. It was five years later when I was in the middle of a situation where I was avoiding a decision that her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally said out loud, “I get it.” It took years for that seed to germinate in my brain until one day it sprouted and grew into a concept I understood. I was finally ready to get it. I wasn’t able to hear it before, but with time, I had evolved enough so the concept made sense. New ideas can take time to get used to. When we first hear the idea we may not be ready for it. That is fine. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be there for you.

The other side of this is not to force your ideas and suggestions onto other people. By all means share them, but leave it at that. Seed planting isn’t an aggressive act; it is gentle and done with love and compassion. All you can do is plant the idea. What happens to it is up to the individual and what they are ready to hear at that very moment. The idea may sprout right away or it may take years. That isn’t your concern. Your job is to plant the seed and move on.

Everyone is at different places in their lives. Sometimes you will understand the new idea right away and perhaps even take action on it in the moment. At other times it will take a while. Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t get something right away. It just means the idea is in germination. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be right there to support you. Until then don’t worry about it and go on with the ideas you are ready for. There will be plenty of idea seeds sprouting at any given time to keep you busy.

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When a female wants to tell a man about her problem, she doesn’t want solutions. After a really terrible encounter or something really awkward happens, a girl wants a guy to listen. All she wants is someone to listen and offer comforting words.

She isn’t wanting for solutions. I repeat; she isn’t looking for solutions. Unless she explicitly asks you for a suggestion on how to fix the situation, just be quiet and listen or else you’re going to make her even angrier. This is the 411 the low down so if guys don’t understand why they’re making the girls in their life angry this will explain it.

After a horrible occurrence, a girl wants the guy to listen and say how sorry he is that happened to her or that the other individual was out of line. Whatever it is, play along because the girl wants you to listen, act amazed, and then you can talk about it. It might help to rag on the other person.

It may also be advantageous if you volunteer to give a back rub, embrace, or massage their shoulders. These are comforting to the girl, and it allows them to loosen up. It would be exceptionally nice if you offered to take the girl out for some ice cream or to get a drink. A little compassion goes a long ways.

What girls do not want be told is what they did wrong in the situation. I’m pretty sure the girl has already analyzed the situation, and doesn’t need you to tell her why she failed at something.

In spite of what you may think, girls have a lot of common sense and don’t need a guy to advise them why they failed on a test. They have already determined whether they need to study more, wasn’t familiar with the concept, were graded wrongly, forgot a part of the theory, made foolish mistakes, or whatever it is. In the end, she knows the problem and she knows how to resolve it.

Just today I was in a conversation with a guy and I was telling him about a problem. He didn’t even listen to the entire story before he started making suggestions. The point is that I wanted him to be annoyed just like I was. I had already taken care of the circumstance, but I just wanted him to listen and empathize.

It was then that I flat out said “I don’t want solutions I just wanted you to empathize.” This opened the ways of communication in the workplace because now he understands what I need from the conversation when I tell him something and I know that when he talks to me he wants solutions.

Sometimes, it is easiest to just say what you need out of the conversation and you can actually include what both parties in the conversation need. Because guys and girls think differently; maybe this will open up communication and everyone can get what they need out of the conversation.

This is also part of the reason that having a girlfriend is so important. They are very supportive and can give the kind of understanding and encouragement that many guys just can’t seem to give. There is a difference in what the expectations are from the conversation and when you realize what each others needs in the conversation are, a lot can be achieved and things run much better.

Diane Johnson graduated with a Bachelor of Science from the University of Utah and enjoys writing about current events, politics, college degrees, colleges online, and the office.

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Are you a new cat owner? If you have just purchased a brand new cat, you may well be excited! After all, you ought to be. Owning a cat is a giant responsibility, but it is one that is filled with a lot of good rewards. There is nothing better than seeing devotion and compassion in the eyes of your cat. In fact, that is not all that you will see.

When you and your new pet get to know each other more, you will begin to notice numerous traits and individuality that your cat displays. After all, all living animals possess their own personalities. In no time at all, you will be understanding your cat, just like he or she is one of the family or another person.

As nice as it is to hear that you may be understanding your pet in no time at all, you might be searching for more information on how cats behave and function. After all, you might be questioning as to how you will appreciate your pet better. No, you will not receive a human response when talking to your pet, but there are other signals that your pet may transmit you. To be the best pet owner possible and to supply your cat with proper attention, it is imperative for you to become aware of and take action as soon as these signals are displayed.

So, what signals should you look for when attempting to understand your kitty cat? For starters, do you know when your cat may be prepared to fight? Whether your cat is set to attack you, another individual in your residence, or another pet, this is a sign that you need to be on the lookout for. Although cats are more or less always safe and cuddly, some do have anger issues. If your cat has his head downward and is in a crouching position, he may well be ready to pounce. A lot of cats will also try to hide behind an object, such as a couch so that they cannot be seen.

Kitty cats, like humans, and other pets can cultivate a widespread assortment of emotions, including anger. Even if your cat does not jump or strike, he or she may still be upset. Many kitty cats will move their tail in a horizontal pattern. In reality, it will seem like your cat is lashing his or her tail back and forth, not just moving it. Some cats will also deal with their anger by hiding or withdrawing to an area that they feel comfortable or safe in.

Even though some cats will jump with the intention to play, many other cats will show other playful signals. A happy cat and one who wants to play is by and large very active. Your cat, when in high spirits and energized, may possibly continually be on the move. He or she might be even more cuddly with you, hopeful that you will give them extra attention and playtime. Another indication of a happy and excited kitty cat is one whose head, tail, and ears are straight up.

As previously stated, the incentive for owning a cat is seeing love and compassion in your cat’s eyes. What you may not recognize is that this is in reality something that you may well be able to observe. It has been said that cats who squint when looking at you, are showing you that they do love and care for you. It has also been said that biting and licking are additional ways that cats display love and fondness.

The above mentioned examples, are just a few of the many that you will want to be on lookout for when trying to know your cat. As a reminder, the process of understanding your kitty cat isn’t one that ought to be hurried. All you need to do is give your kitty cat the proper amount of love and attention, observe their reactions, and make note of any habits your new-fangled pal may develop. In time, you and your new pet will in a little while be understanding each other.

For additional tips on living with a cat, drop in on eKittyCat.com

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Giving Up: Have You Given Up on Yourself?

“I feel like giving up,” Emma told me in our first phone session. “I’ve worked and worked on myself and I’m still miserable. I’ve had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working.”

“It sounds to me like you are abandoning yourself.”

“What do you mean? I take good care of myself. I eat well, exercise daily, work hard and take care of finances – in fact I’m doing really well financially – and I pamper myself. I get massages, get my nails done, and buy beautiful clothes. I have a nice house, a caring husband, and two wonderful children. I DO take care of myself, which is why I feel like giving up. I don’t get why you are telling me that I’m abandoning myself.”

“What are you feeling right now?”

“Miserable and angry at you for not understanding.”

“Are you willing to take responsibility for being the cause of your anger and misery?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to know that you are the cause of your misery and anger and to learn what you are doing to cause it?”

“Okay, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Emma, do you have any kind of spiritual connection?”

“No, I don’t believe in God.”

“I’d like you to imagine your own higher self – an older, wiser version of you. Are you willing to do that?”

“Okay.”

“Right now, just take a deep breath and imagine that you are sitting with a very unhappy child. Focus in your heart and imagine that your older, wiser self is with you. Ask her to bring compassion into your heart for your unhappy inner child. Find a place in you that really wants to learn about what you are thinking and doing that is causing your inner child to be so unhappy. Now ask your inner child out loud, ‘What am I thinking or doing that is causing you to be so unhappy?’”

Emma did this.

“Now allow your feeling self, which is your inner child, to answer you. Move into your unhappiness and allow that part of you to speak.”

Emma’s child: “You don’t even know I exist. You never pay any attention to me. You never listen to me. You judge me all the time. You are constantly telling me I’m not doing things right and that I’m not good enough.”

Emma was stunned. “Wow! That’s right! I am always judging myself. Is this what is causing my misery?”

“Yes, it’s part of it. Not only are you judging yourself, but then you ignore how you feel when you judge yourself. Then you project out on to others the fact that you are judging yourself and not listening to or understanding yourself. You got angry at me for not understanding you, which is a projection of you not understanding you. These are all ways you are abandoning yourself, which is what is causing your unhappiness. Now, ask your Guidance – your older wiser self – what you need to do so that your inner child starts to feel loved by you.”

Emma asks. “She says that I need to stop judging myself.”

“Emma, I suggest that you start to notice your judgments without judging yourself for judging yourself. You cannot stop something that you are not aware of doing. So just start to notice.”

Emma did start to notice, which enabled her to gradually become less judgmental of herself. As Emma learned and practiced the Inner Bonding process, she stopped abandoning herself and learned to treat herself with love.

“You know what?” she said to me in a phone session. “I feel joy for the first time in my life!”

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A person tries so hard to hide it even from him/herself. Panic attacks come on like a heart attack without a warning. It is a very similar feeling and hard to detect which makes it even scarier. When a person has a panic attack they are frozen in fear. This is not cowardice. Panic attacks become a private hidden secret inner prison that destroys a person’s life and self-esteem.

I believe a defective gene causes panic attacks that is inherited, or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Too few people understand panic attacks and anxiety disorders including those who have to live with them. Panic attack disorders turn a person’s life into a hidden secret prison of fear causing anger and a lack of understanding, from family, friends and even more from one’s self.

Panic attacks are not a feeling or a fear that one has control over. This is a fear that freezes a person so that he/she is not always able to get past it. The person that lives with it is the person that hurts the most. They rarely get understanding or emotional support from anyone including themself, and are subject to a lack of compassion and insensitivity. This disorder does not always come from a way of thinking, or a bad past experience, although that could trigger it more.

This disorder has not been studied enough to know the true causes of it. The public is not well informed about the facts about Panic disorders and anxiety. People who have panic attacks want to live, not just exist They want a fear free normal life, but are locked in a secret inner prison of fear For some there is no escape. People that live with this disorder are braver than anyone knows, for they have to find courage for doing things for every day pleasure.

To live a normal life for someone with a panic attack disorder takes extreme courage and is not always probable. Sometime this courage comes and sometime the person is frozen in fear. The chest tightens, there is no way to handle the fear factor, the feeling that is paralyzing and comes from out of nowhere.

Medications do not always alleviate the panic attacks, A person does not choose to have panic attacks, Who would decide to live in a prison of fear? A person who lives with panic attacks does not truly live,we merely exist.

Panic attacks are I think a abnormal gene just the opposite of those who seek extreme danger and excitement ,which is also a abnormal reaction to the fear factor.

More on theory thoughts and feelings concerning panic attacks

I am not a doctor or a professional person, but I am a person that lives with panic attacks and I read information on subjects that interest me, also write my theory,thoughts and feelings concerning them. People give so many varied points of view on how one should deal with them. Persons that have panic attacks not only have to deal with the panic attacks ,they have to deal with people who have a lack of understanding and arguments at the same time.

I’ve had attacks recently on my mysticism and faith, that I should put my panic attacks in God’s hands and He will take them away. I do have a strong belief in God but there are some things He doesn’t do and I do not question God and why He doesn’t do them. Such as bringing a deceased loved one back to life although He did bring Lazarus back it’s not a common practice for Him. I don’t blame God for my misfortunes and I am slowly learning not to blame myself. God does not always change the natural order of nature or things in nature that go wrong ,such as earth quakes,they happen and He does not stop them. and He does not stop my panic attacks. There are those who say face your fears, just do it any way, But that does not work for me, I can not force these feelings to go away or conquer them.

Then there is medication which helps to a point but does not totally end the situation. Than there is knowledge that you are having one,knowing helps to a certain extent,understanding one’s self and realizing it is a panic attack that a person is having,but it doesn’t wholly stop them either. There is a lack of understanding from others. Those that have had them and overcome them can sometime have the least understanding, They feel they overcome their fears why can’t I? But not everyone is the same or has the same degree of panic attacks and fears. I have always believed it to be a generic disorder and have read studies about the release of endorphins in the brain some people’s brain release too much and some too little,both or disorders,one causing panic attacks the other causing a need for excitement and danger. Panic attacks is a condition very hard to understand or live with, But the fine news is those that have panic attacks are afraid to kill themselves and are highly unlikely to commit suicide…smiles.

Panic attacks are very common to everyone. If you are looking for ways on how to deal with panic attacks, you have come to the right place. Finding out the ways on how to deal with panic attacks is not actually difficult. You just have to find ways to look for tips on how to deal with panic attacks.

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Living a great love life means loving and
appreciating ALL THAT IS.

After all, we can’t get to a place of true love
and of deep connection unless we are open to
seeing the WHOLE PICTURE – both good and bad.

When you recognize a man as someone wonderful,
that is part of living a great love life.

And so is recognizing that a man has
shortcomings of HIS OWN, and feeling not anger
but COMPASSION for him.

Get some Real Dating dating secrets

Lots of women become hurt and blame or criticize
a man for being less than they want him to be.

Or they take his shortcomings personally, as
though they all mean something about THEM.

When a man does hurtful, painful or dishonest
things in a relationship with women… a man is
saying more about WHO HE IS than the woman he’s
with.

When you choose to live your life with
love, it’s your role to see your relationship
for WHAT IT IS.

Living your standards is accepting what is and
coming to terms with whether or not this man and
this relationship is really right for YOU.

Living your standards is not dwelling on WHAT
ISN’T, and suffering and falling apart because
you wish things were different.

I think you’re starting to see where I’m going
with all of this.

I talk in detail about how to communicate your
standards to the man in your life so that he’ll
not only listen… but he’ll start treating you
differently in your relationship.

I discuss how to approach the conversation
and share what you want with a man in a way that
will make him even more interested and attracted
on page 246 of my eBook.

When a man is with a woman, if he sees that she
doesn’t just want a relationship for the sake of
a relationship… then the ways he sees her and
treats her will become instantly different.

The strange thing about men is that when a
woman is loving AND willing to walk away from
a relationship that isn’t good enough for her…
men become instantly ENGAGED on an emotional
level and want to find a way to be a better
partner and make her happy.

But if a man senses from your emotions that you
are more attached to the relationship than you are
to your own happiness – he’ll often start thinking
of your relationship as less valuable to him.

I know this all sounds strange and ridiculous,
but it’s the way men think and act.

For more tips on exactly how a man can
recognize you as the amazing and valuable woman
you are, and how to dial up the passion and love
between you through a few simple words…

I’d recommend checking out my eBook and
going to page 248 where I describe how to push
what I call a man’s “secret communication button”.

Speak his language, and he’ll adore you for
it and want nothing more than to shower you with
affection and his deepest commitment in love.

It’s all here in my eBook that you can download
now and be reading in just a few minutes.

Don’t wait when all this growth and possibility
for more love in your life is right in front of
you.

WHERE TO START WITH TURNING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AROUND

Alright, let’s get to some specifics.

First things first if you’re looking to turn
your relationship around -

Step 1: Break The Cycle

We often have a hard time seeing the situations
we are in while we are in them.

When we’re in a relationship that feels stuck,
or isn’t working… it’s often impossible to see
how we are feeding into the very problems we want
to resolve or understand.

The very best thing to do if you feel an
unhealthy or negative pattern in your relationship
isn’t to TRY HARDER to fix or solve things.

TRYING HARDER is the first and most common
mistake that most women make when they sense that
something is off in their relationship.

Trying harder only draws you and him deeper
into the cycle you’re already experiencing.

You have to stop perpetuating the energy that
is coming from what isn’t working.

The more you stay with these feelings, the more
you will perpetuate more of the same.

To affect change, you have to be willing to
step outside of your own habits and patterns.

A great way to do this is to simply stop
arguing, complaining, or trying to make any kind
of point about your feelings, or about him.

Do this even just for a day, and go about your
life with excitement and interest, and you’ll
be amazed at what can transpire while you’re not
even trying.

Men LOVE to be with you when you are present
and simply living for the moment in your life.

Your stepping away from the energy that has
been in your relationship will instantly make
things feel lighter.

And you can approach things once you start to
see some new and better energy between you.

Step 2: Get “Grounded”

Ground yourself and get yourself to a place of
positive well-being.

We all know that we aren’t our best with others
when we aren’t feeling great about ourselves, or
our relationship.

Do yourself a favor and before you engage in any
discussion about your relationship, put yourself
in a more grounded and loving place inside.

When you put more love into the things in your
life, you almost always get more love in return.

A few simple ways to do this are:

-Take a long hot bath when frustration or anxiety
strikes, and put your attention into your SENSES
for just that time

-Be active. When our body moves, it also helps
move and clear our mind

-Remember to BREATHE. Breathing deeply for just
4 or 5 deep full breaths in and out can instantly
fill you back up emotionally and put your heart
and mind in a better place

Now, once you’re grounded, you’re in a much
better place to think and feel clearly about
your relationship, and how to approach talking
about it with your man.

Step 3: Consider Your “Approach”

It’s great to share our feelings, and to know
how we feel.

When we grow and mature as adults, we take a
critical step -

We learn to “own” our emotions, instead of
having them own us.

That way, we aren’t just running on auto-pilot
letting any feeling or thought that comes to us
take over and run the show.

We become more CONSCIOUS, and we can learn to
OBSERVE our own thoughts and feelings in the
moment as they come up.

This, I would argue, is one of the very most
valuable and important skills to have in a
relationship.

Why?

Put simply, because it allows us to stay focused
and directed at POSITIVE OUTCOMES in our life.

If what you want is to feel CONNECTED to your
man, but you allow some of your feelings of
sadness to cause you to lash out or CRITICIZE HIM…

Then it’s very unlikely that he’s going to
respond positively and CONNECT back with you.

Step 4: When In Doubt, Love What Is

There’s only one way to live a satisfying and
fulfilling life.

Or to have a satisfying and fulfilling
relationship.

And that’s to love your life, or your
relationship, for exactly how it is RIGHT NOW.

Loving what is isn’t something that most of
us are used to doing.

Often times in our lives we feel alone and
as though if we didn’t try so hard to hold
everything together that it would all fall apart.

Not true.

Try it once. Try not holding your world
together and feeling like you have to worry or
struggle for every outcome.

The amazing thing is… the sun still rises,
and the world still goes on without your willing
it to do so.

Men in relationships love nothing more than
a woman who both is in touch with her feelings…

And who can still go about her life in a loving
and open way even when things aren’t exactly the
way she wants them to be.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen
women become upset with a man for something that
the man (naively) didn’t know would hurt her
feelings, and she pushed him away out of fear.

Striking out when we feel hurt is a sure
way to create more bad feelings and
misunderstanding in your relationship.

Yes, men can and should be more understanding
in these situations and care for your feelings.

But it doesn’t always work that way.

Wouldn’t you rather know how to actually
talk to and share with “the other sex”, and
know that you could always get the connection
and understanding you really want…

Rather than trying to DEMAND that a man see
you and understand your feelings, and hoping
that things work out?

If you’d like to take yourself and your
relationship out of that UNCERTAIN place where
you don’t know if you’ll be able to stay close
and connected, then a great place to start is
knowing how open, honest and loving COMMUNICATION
works inside a relationship.

One challenge too many women have is not
having a good man they are close to who they
can look to in order to see how a good man really
talks and acts in a close relationship.

Lots of women just don’t have a good man as
a “model” to work from.

You don’t have to keep guessing. I’ve taken
years to put it all together and show you how
a man and woman can come together and become
close through simple every day communication.

For all my very best tips on how to help a man
understand you and listen better in your
relationship…

And to make it so that even a man who’s never
really shared his deeper feelings will open up, you
need to watch my “Communication Secrets” program.

All my very best tips for talking to a man in
a relationship that have turned thousands of
women’s relationships around are right here:
Dating

Access competent suggestions for one way links – welcome to your personal knowledge base.

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